Television Subversive: "Football Genius." An oxymoron or a new appreciation?

Now I can't talk for other countries, but sports propaganda is big business here in Australia. I don't know what it is about the Australian psyche, but by and large, we're not much one for academics or intellectual pursuits, generally opting for more simple pleasures, chiefly cricket or football. Maybe it's the convict history of the nation, maybe we're all just one collective convict with little education and an unmitigated desire to beat the shit out of something, anything, each other. Maybe we're still trying to offload some of that pent-up anger at being treated like a collective, bread-stealing, penal colony inhabitant, second-class citizen for so long. You'd think that would make for a good bunch of rebelliously well educated post-modernists, but no, it makes for good football players.

Still, all is not lost. Last year I actually heard the term "football genius" uttered by the chairman of the AFL, Rob Evans, in reference to Gary Ablett. (Of Geelong Cats.)

Now, according to The Oxford Illustrated Dictionary, Genius refers to:

A natural ability, special mental endowments; exalted intellectual power, instinctive and extraordinary imaginative, creative, or inventive capacity; person having this.

At the risk of incurring a lot of hate mail, let's deconstruct this explanation of a genius and apply it to Gary. (Because I think the term 'genius' is thrown around far too casually these days. )

A natural ability: Well yes, there's no argument that he has a natural ability to play football, maybe this is what they mean when they call him a genius. Yet a lot of people have natural abilities at specific pursuits but that doesn't warrant labelling them all geniuses. If we did we'd have more geniuses in the population than we have average people, so I'm guessing the term 'natural ability' refers specifically to the next line...

Special mental endowments; exalted intellectual power: Although I'm sure it's true that football players need more than just brawn, but also a good intuitive understanding of the field, their opponents and the rules and nature of the game, (which no doubt constitutes some superior grasp of the intricacies of the game of football,) I'm not sure that addresses a human being's general overall intellectual ability as spectacularly brilliant.

For one thing, you'd never pick a footballer as a genius from listening to them talk. This may be a generalisation, but just put your hand over your eyes next time you hear a footballer interviewed on TV. With idiot parrot catch phrases like, "at the end of the day" churned out religiously, you could hardly tell one from the other. Oh and I love this one, "yeah, nah." What the hell is that? ... "Yeah, nah."

"Yeah, nah, we trained hard this season. Gazza's out with a strained hamstring but we have some good players still. Yeah, nah, at the end of the day the best team'll win."

Extraordinary imaginative, creative or inventive capacity: Well this is probably much closer to what they means when they call Gary a genius. After all, it must take some imaginative, creative and inventive ability to come up with spur of the moment ducks and dives around opponents on the field in different weather conditions and the like. And it's no secret just how imaginative, creative and inventive footballers can be when they get together with a group off football groupies. Just think; group gang-bangs, male physical bonding over a generic and faceless woman whose drink has just been spiked...

On second thoughts I take it all back. These are blatant and idiosyncratic character traits of men who can't think for themselves on any level.

But who knows? I could be really wrong. Never say never. There is photographic evidence that he does in fact, have the characteristics of a genius after all.

Albert Einstein: The man who invented the theory of relativity. A man who essentially changed the way we understood physics and therefore the universe.